THE TRUTH ABOUT HETEROSEXUAL MEN AND TRANSGENDER WOMEN
WHEN SEARCHING THE INTERNET FOR EXCESS INFORMATION ON THIS TOPIC, THERE IS LITTLE OUT THERE. I WANT TO HELP CLEAR UP ALOT OF MISCONCEPTIONS BY GIVING SOME INFO FROM MY OWN EXPERIENCE AS A TRANS WOMAN.
WE KNOW THAT THE SPECTRUM OF SEXUALITY CAN BE WIDE, BUT FOR THE MOST PART, HETEROSEXUALLY IDENTIFIED MEN WHO DATE OR FIND INTEREST IN TRANSGENDER/TRANSEXUAL WOMEN ARE STILL HETEROSEXUAL. THEY ARE NOT GAY. I REPEAT, THEY ARE NOT GAY. I BELIEVE THE CONFUSION COMES FROM THIS IDEA: A TRANS WOMAN WAS ONCE MALE AT SOME POINT IN HER PAST LIFE, AND BECAUSE SHE PHYSICALLY BEGAN LIFE AS A MALE, SHE IS A MAN. THEREFORE, A GUY THAT IS ATTRACTED TO HER IS GAY AND LIKES ANOTHER MAN.
THIS THEORY DEFINITELY HAS RELEVANCY, BUT NOT TRUE. THERE ARE FACTORS THAT CHANGE THE SITUATION. THE TRANS WOMAN IS LIVING HER LIFE 24/7 AS A FEMALE. SHE IDENTIFIES AS FEMALE AND HER DEEPEST PASSION IS TO BE SEEN AS FEMALE, WHILE BEING WITH A MAN WHO RESPECTS THAT. THERE ARE STRAIGHT IDENTIFIED MEN WHO SECRETLY JUST WANT TO BE WITH ANOTHER MAN,AND NEED A WAY TO BUILD UP TO COMING OUT, BUT THE MEN WE DATE ARE SPECIFICALLY INTO THE AESTHETIC OF WHAT A WOMAN EMBODIES. THESE FACTORS ARE FEMININE APPEARANCE, ATTITUDE, SOCIAL OUTLOOK, PHYSICAL ATTRIBUTES. TRANS WOMEN GO TO GREAT LENGTHS TO RE-CONSTRUCT THEIR LIVES AS THE GENDER THEY MENTALLY IDENTIFY AS. THE MALE IDENTITY IS AN EXPERIENCE THAT IS PAST. PHYSICAL CHANGES FROM SURGERY AND FEMALE HORMONES ARE A NEW LEASE ON LIFE IN THE CORRECT GENDER.
THE COMBINATION OF A TRANS WOMAN’S SOUL AND MIND IDENTITY WITH FEMALE HORMONES CREATES SOMETHING SOOO MUCH MORE CLOSE TO WHAT A BIOLOGICAL WOMAN EXPERIENCES. THE EMOTIONS, THE MOODS, THE RECEPTION TO OTHER PEOPLE. .
HERE IS A GREAT ANONYMOUS QUOTE FROM A STRAIGHT MALE
“My girlfriend is trans, I love her, I am grateful to have her. When I first met her she was not yet “out” with her transition, but I knew from the moment I met her that she was a woman, it wasn’t about her looks, it was about her spirit. I have friends that a post-op, pre-op, and non-op, what makes then women is there mind.”
HOW DOES A STRAIGHT MAN KNOW HE IS ATTRACTED TO OR INTO A TS WOMAN???
SOMETIMES HE IS AWARE FROM PREVIOUS EXPERIENCES, HEARING ABOUT IT OR THE INTERNET AND SOMETIMES IT HAPPENS BY ACCIDENT. WHEN A GUY SEES A WOMAN HE IS ATTRACTED TO HE MAY MAKE A MOVE. HE MAY NOT KNOW SHE IS TRANS INITIALLY, BUT SEES THE TRUE BEAUTY OF WHO SHE PROJECTS HERSELF TO BE… A WOMAN. HE IS GETTING THE REFLECTION OF HOW SHE SEES HERSELF. IT CAN BE A STIMULATING AND ENIGMATIC THING FOR A STRAIGHT GUY TO FIND THAT A WOMAN HE’S INTO USED TO BE A MAN. IT SPARKS MANY THOUGHTS OF CURIOSITY AND DESIRE. THE UNIQUENESS INTRIGUES HIM..
WHAT IF SHE IS PRE-OP? OR HAS NOT HAD GENITAL SURGERY??
MANY TS WOMEN DO NOT HAVE FULL GENITAL SURGERY AND THAT IS BECAUSE THEY FEEL WHAT THEY HAVE MAKES THEM UNIQUE, OR THEY HAVE LEARNED TO COPE WITH IT. THERE ARE ALSO MANY MEN THAT SPECIFICALLY LIKE TRANS WOMEN FOR THE FACT THAT THEY ARE WOMEN, BUT A BIT DIFFERENT. THE BEST OF BOTH WORLDS.AND, MANY SIMPLY CANNOT AFFORD THE COST, BECAUSE IT IS MAJORLY EXPENSIVE. HAVING EITHER A PENIS OR VAGINA DOES NOT MAKE YOU A MAN OR A WOMAN. THIS IS VERY IMPORTANT. IN A CULTURE WHERE WERE TAUGHT TO BELIEVE THAT OUR GENITALIA DEFINE US, THIS CAN BE HARD TO GRASP. SURELY, THERE ARE STRAIGHT MEN WHO ARE NOT INTERESTED IN A TRANS WOMAN WITH A PENIS , BUT MAY BE EXTREMELY ATTRACTED TO HER. SOME OF THEM CAN LOOK PAST THIS, AND SOME CANNOT. HOW FAR THEIR RELATIONSHIP GOES IS DEPENDENT ON HER BEING A GREAT PERSON, WHAT THEY’RE LOOKING FOR IN A WOMAN AND CHEMISTRY. SOME MEN ARE SIMPLY CURIOUS AND GROW TO LIKE THE UNIQUENESS OF A TRANS WOMAN..BUT STILL HAVE NO DESIRE TO BE WITH A MAN.
THE STIGMA THAT MEN WHO DATE TRANS WOMAN ARE GAY IS DAMAGING TO THE WELL BEING OF HEALTHY PEOPLE IN HEALTHY RELATIONSHIPS. THERE ARE TOO MANY HETEROSEXUAL MEN SECRETLY DATING TRANS WOMAN ON THE DOWN LOW, BECAUSE THEY FEAR BEING CONSIDERED GAY, WHEN IN FACT THEY LIKE WOMEN. MANY TRANS WOMAN ARE NEGATED HAPPY AND HEALTHY SOCIAL RELATIONSHIPS WITH THESE MEN BECAUSE OF THEIR FAMILY AND FRIENDS PERCEPTIONS.
AND FRANKLY, MANY TRANS WOMEN LOOK BETTER THAN BIOLOGICAL WOMEN, BECAUSE THEY TAKE MUCH MORE PRIDE IN THEIR FEMININITY. THEY PAY ATTENTION TO THEIR LOOKS, AND THEY EMBRACE FEMININE THINGS WITH SA PASSION THAT ATTRACTS MEN. STRAIGHT MEN.
WHAT ARE YOU THOUGHTS?? I WOULD LOVE TO KNOW.
July 17th, 2010 at 8:40 pm
This is so eye opening and tender, I completely respect what your saying,but had no clue how that all was relayed and believed and perceived before. Thanks
Elkat
July 18th, 2010 at 12:37 am
I am very glad Elkat..if you’re my friend on facebook under Britney Houston..there is a vast discussion with friends about it on my page! if not..friend me!
cheers!
July 20th, 2010 at 5:15 am
Well written. Very clear & to the point. Spoken more directly than emotionally & maybe for this post that is needed. There are men out there that do look for women with penis’s I find that most of them are disturbed. I dont think men that date or marry transgender women are gay. Lots of times it doesn’t work out because of the pressure society puts on them. Especially if she is not “passing” with flying colors. I know this may make me a dark cloud but I do feel that genitalia help you be more legitimately who you are. But i also understand it isn’t easy for MTF or FTM’s for that matter. To get a hold on the amount of cash These VULTURES that do the procedures are asking for. The truth is, if there was a magic spell it would all be so simple. I do believe that calling a transgender person trans is really their choice. To me once you have fully transitioned in anything, you are that now. Male or female. So all the rules of that life now apply. Trans or tranny is just away to demoralize & minimize a class of people & that is really all your post was about. People in Love. Good work
August 24th, 2010 at 8:44 am
i still dont understand, im a real woman and i have a son, ive been with my partner for a few years and just found him on a transgender dating site messaging these people for sex. when i comfronted him he denyied all knowledge and is adimant he is straight. but wont admit to looking on this site. what i really want to know is why would he do this when we are a happy family and i satisfy his needs. is there something lacking on my part to make him desire these type of women? im trying hard to understand for the sake of my son, i still love him, but until i understand or he talks to me our relationship is over. please help someone
August 31st, 2010 at 7:55 pm
Hi Sue,
Thanks for sharing your story. First and foremost, you have every right to call things off with your guy. If you feel he is disrespecting you by seeking encounters outside of your relationship, you should decide if he is worth the drama or not, no matter the gender. Secondly, either he has been into transwomen for a while or just discovered it. You believe everything is right between you 2 intimately, but is he completely satisfied? His interest in a transwoman does not make him gay. Most straight men that find attractions to TS women are turned on by the packaging of a beautiful woman with something different; not a man living and identifying as a man with the same thing. Men are very sexually driven. Many of them think of TS women as ultimate fantasies: someone they can explore great lengths of sex and sexuality with. He is denying it because he knows he is disrespecting you, he is afraid of the general gay stigma attached, and lets face it, its embarassing getting caught doing something someone will disapprove of. He is trying to have his cake and eat it too..living out sexual desires, while having the steady partner. As a Transwoman myself, I often encounter men in relationships trying to make me their side fantasy. I want to be respected like you and not just be the sex object on the side. its tough on both sides of our fences. So, girl, tell him to get off the sites, or get out. There are plenty of TS Women capable of fully loving a man, and plenty of born females that can be sexual goddesses to them. Its not black and white.
p.s. I have a Girlfriend who is in a serious relationship with a guy she knows has openly dated TS Women. He is very honest with her and respectful, therefore its not so much about his past TS girlfriends, but about their clear, honest communication. They’re very happy.
I hope I helped in some way.